Thoughts About Life – Page 6

The Sweetness of Life

Sometimes work, no matter how monotonous, can be enriching.

I work at a mail order pharmacy. I get my share of grumpy people, usually grumpy for very good reasons. And I hear my share of silly customer tricks. Most people are pretty nice if you treat them that way, but it’s not always easy. I work long hours and get really tired of the pinch of my headset, and of staring at a computer screen all day. It was hard to get where I am, and people in general often take me for granted or don’t respect what I do. However, I’ve found it’s all worth it in the end.

I have learned some things from my job and I have found some precious treasures that I’d like to share. I’ve taken a few moments to hear war stories from a 90 year old vet, and been glad to thank him for his service. I’ve taken secret delight in telling a grumpy patient ‘happy birthday,’ and hear them sound just a little less grumpy. I’ve seen the couple who have been together for sixty plus years, one spouse calling in orders for the other, and saying in passing “I’d be lost without her.” The sheer love I hear in that simple declaration is humbling. I can only aspire to that.

Sometimes I find someone who is really upset, and very hard to deal with. Once I find out the root cause of their frustration, and let them know I want to do anything possible to help, they almost always calm down. People, in general, aren’t that nasty on purpose, they just want to know that they are heard and also to know they aren’t powerless. That’s been a very good lesson for me. It’s enough to make me want to go the extra mile, help as much as I can, and if I can’t help, give them any other options or information available.

Among the hours of answering questions and dealing with boredom, I feel so privileged to witness certain things. So grateful to be a small help, and to touch a life, even for a moment.

I have found, most of all, that it’s good to be the person who spends time explaining a difficult concept and who is allowed to treat an elder with the respect that they so often lack. If you are reading this, smile at someone today. Offer a kind word. If you already do it, be proud!

Transgender Truth

Art of Womanhood, Healthy Living, Personal Growth, Science and Techology, Thoughts About Life

Trans folk may not be what, or who, you think they are.

If you have a trans friend, I commend you. If you have a trans family member, I commiserate with you. If you, yourself, are trans, I support you.

However, many people may never have met anyone who is transgendered. There are so many misconceptions out there, so much fear, and so many lies.

For instance, so many many people I know think being transgendered is a lifestyle choice or something you do on a whim.

Did you know it’s actually a medical condition? Researchers are beginning to see evidence that it is indeed possible to have a brain with the structure of one sex, in the body with the structure of the other sex. Because of biology and hormone balance, it is more common for male babies to be born with a female brain than vice versa. The cause seems to be hormone fluctuations that can sometimes happen during pregnancy.

The result then, is someone who feels, deep inside themselves, that they are one gender – because their brain is built that way – while their body is shaped another way. Some people who are transgendered are also intersex, where their body has both male and female sexual characteristics, but their inner sense of themselves differs from the arbitrary decision their doctor or their parents made at birth.

Bottom line: in many cases, a transgendered person has a valid and measurable medical reason behind their decision to take on a role as the opposite sex. It is a decision that only comes after much soul searching, it is not a whim or a snap decision, it is not a fetish, and it is not a lifestyle choice.

Transsexuals versus crossdressers

A crossdresser is someone who dresses as the opposite sex, for enjoyment or for many other reasons, but who still identifies as their birth sex. A transsexual is someone who was born as one sex but is changing to another. They may or may not have had surgery.

Sex versus Gender

Sex is what your body is shaped like. Gender is how you feel inside.

Problems with restroom access

Something that most people don’t know is that people who are going through gender transition are often required to be on hormones and live exclusively as their desired gender for at least a year before getting surgery.

If we think about this, it’s easy to see that forcing someone to use the bathroom of their birth sex could be quite problematic. This would require someone who is dressed as a woman, is passing quite well, and is doing everything like a woman, to use the men’s room anyway. This is a recipe for beatings and even murders. Meanwhile, if she had quietly used the women’s room, sat in the stall as she always did, By the way, she might have been doing that for months or years – without causing alarm or trouble. She doesn’t want trouble, she just wants to use the bathroom, like any woman.

Surgery is difficult, painful and expensive. Hormones are expensive and can be dangerous if mishandled. Doctors sometimes refuse to treat trans patients. So for those who say “why don’t they just get it over with and finish the process?” please consider that the person in question may want, very badly, to finish – but be unable to. It’s harder to get a job when you are trans, after all, and there are a lot of social roadblocks. Jokes about trans folk are common, there are few legal protections, and people die every day for being trans.

Because of the way she’s routinely treated, I know a trans woman who often says “we are the last niggers in America.”

Are transgendered people dangerous?

No. Nothing about having gender dysphoria makes you any more unstable than any other person. Statistically speaking, heterosexual-identified males are the most likely to predators, whether of children or otherwise. People who are trans may actually have more compassion than others because they are so frequently mistreated.

Can gender dysphoria be cured another way, such as through prayer?

No. It can’t. Gender dysphoria can be suppressed for a period of time as a person denies it and tries to meet societal expectations of who they should be. Many people try to be ultra masculine or ultra feminine in an effort to “be who they should be” before realizing that they truly are the other gender inside, and it’s not just a phase. Methods of treatment that don’t involve a transition usually result in depression at the best, suicide at the worst.
What trans people want

It’s a large subject and impossible to speak for everyone, but in general, trans folk just want the same rights everyone else has. They don’t want special rights, they just want to live normal lives. The goal of most trans women, for example, is to simply be a woman – not to be specially privileged, but deserving of the same respect everyone else gets.

What trans people are not

Trans people are NOT interested in “converting” your kids, and being trans is not contagious. They aren’t dangerous or unstable and many have incredible amounts of self knowledge. In general, they are not perverts. They are also not necessarily gay. They usually aren’t “confused” either.

How to refer to transgendered people

Individual tastes differ. You can say “a transgendered person” or “transgendered,” but never “a transgender.” Similarly, “a transie” can sometimes be an affectionate descriptor, but never “a tranny.” A tranny is a part off a car, not a person, and it’s usually very offensive. “Transsexual” is also usually appropriate.

Ways to support a trans person

First, treat them as the gender they present as. If you are confused about pronouns, just ask. Avoid asking a bunch of intrusive questions unless they have showed they are comfortable about it. Other than that, just talk – enjoy their company, treat them as a person. Most trans folk don’t want to center their life around their transition, they have other interests, skills, loves, dreams. Above all, just treat a trans person like… a person.

How you can help

I know this post has been long, and the people who need to read it probably won’t. Even if you never donate to a trans friendly charity or help a trans person directly, though, you can be educated about the subject and gently correct wrong assumptions and incorrect facts along the way. Also, parents, please teach your children that staring and making inappropriate comments is not polite and can hurt people.

I would truly appreciate it if anyone chooses to share or forward this blog entry, it may be copied and duplicated in excerpt or in part by anyone as long as the original intent of support is maintained. Thank you for caring enough to read this!

The Bravest Kitten

Thoughts About Life

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One night, my partner and I were sitting around home, minding our own business, when we heard a kitten crying.

Cat lovers that we are, we immediately went to investigate. Out there in the dark was a tiny kitten, yowling pitifully, calling to us for help but obstinately not letting us near. We tried for quite some time to capture her. All we could see was a little ball of fluff. Loud fluff. The yowling continued, and she mewed all night under my partner’s window.

In the morning I went out and found the ball of fluff under our overgrown jungle of tea roses. I got the loppers and worked my way in, eventually freeing the kitten. She was starved, she’d been bitten, she was long haired, and she was calico. Big greenish yellow eyes looked into mine. She was even having trouble walking. There was only one thing to be done…. I liberated the box the TV had come in, put bedding and a water dish in the bottom, and waited for the partner to get home so I could go get kitten chow.

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We figured out that this flea infested little waif had apparently left her mother and litter-mates, crossed two yards with mean dogs in them and had come specifically to us. As if she knew we would be the ones to harbor her. She was right… we held her and carried her practically around the clock until she could maintain her own body temperature, rid her of the fleas, fed her well, cared for her leg till it healed, and defended her when our senior cat hissed until he finally accepted her as an adopted daughter. He helped raise her to a fine figure of a feline.

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Cassiopeia Dawn, nicknamed Mouse, is now a rather rotund, sassy queen cat. Now that her adoptive “father” is gone she is boss cat of the house. She throws stuffed mice, wraps her curly tail around your wrist in response to pettings, and pats your knee when you haven’t paid her enough attention. She’s come so far from that starving kitten she was, eight years ago. She’s returned our love many times over. We wouldn’t trade her for anything.

It’s really true… one person’s trash is another person’s treasure.

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What did you want to be when you grew up?

Thoughts About Life

And, most interesting to me, how does that look compared to what you are doing now?

This is my 200th post so I thought I’d go retro. And hey, it’s fun to look at candy. When I was young, I sold it – by the piece, parlaying up from 19 cents or so worth of on sale Valentine’s Day lollipops to an empire worth at least ten dollars and boasting many different varieties, all priced to tempt.

Maybe I should have gone into business.

Before I was maybe seventeen or so, I didn’t think that much about what I wanted to actually do. I thought about things I wanted to be, but I didn’t think about the actual day to day of living within the jobs I wanted to do. I wanted to be a bus driver when I was three, for example, and I thought about becoming an attorney, a pilot, a vet, a nurse, an architect, an artist, and quite a few other things.

When I went to university I planned to become a jeweler – and would have been very well served by job shadowing someone who did that job. I was aimless and really needed a well respected mentor. If I ever have influence over a young person about to enter the working world, I’ll advise that. The funny thing is, I like what I do – but the job I do would have simply required a few typing classes. I don’t use my degree for much, but I guess it’s nice to have as a credential. If I had it to do over, I’d definitely do more research about what would be best, not just what would be expected.

I had no idea what day to day work at a job would be like. I had some vague idea of working in an office, but I wasn’t sure what people really did in offices. It’s actually rather funny how little I knew. Now I work in an office – a big one, populated by a few hundred people on any given day. A call center, yes, but essentially a huge office. It’s busy and chapati and sometimes a lot of fun, and nothing like I imagined.

What did you want to be as a kid? Are you doing something related to that, or something completely different? Do you wonder about the road not taken?

My ride in a firetruck – and soggy experience

Thoughts About Life

When it rains in Tucson, it rains HARD.

I had gone out to get groceries, hoping to beat the thunderstorm we saw coming. I figured if I timed it right, I could make it home just before the better part of the rain. If worst came to worst, I would have to drive through heavy rain but it wouldn’t be that big a deal. That was a serious mistake!

It was pouring down before I got to the grocery store – I dawdled a bit, grabbing cherries and bottled water and V-8 and Pacifico. Outside there was heavy lightning and the streets were already awash. So I took care when I started to go home, it seemed the rain was letting up a bit. I went back along roads that didn’t usually flood too badly, but car accidents forced me to detour.

As I turned onto Grant, a large thoroughfare, I noticed the water was pretty high. Cars were driving slowly and carefully. I had to detour around some other cars, forcing me to go into deeper water and then, just past the intersection, I had to stop, and then my car stalled out. Water had drenched the engine.

I sat there, water still rising, brown floodwaters passing around the car Water and mud started coming in through the doors, filling the footwells. I could feel the current shaking the car and I wondered if I’d get washed away. I set the parking brake and rolled the windows down despite the rain, in case the electrical system shorted out, so I could escape if need be. I stayed as calm as I could as I saw huge rubber garbage cans floating down the street turned river. One fetched up against my car and left a big dent and a scrape.

I wondered what I should do. Did this spell the end of everything? My ability to get around and to work? Might I be injured or killed? I remembered the test pilots and their ability to just keep “working the problem” until they got results. One thing at a time.

I decided to stay with the vehicle. For one thing, the current was too swift to walk in. I’ve heard of more than one person dying by being swept away and I didn’t want that to happen to me. I waited, watching people on the sides of the road, seeing people drive by in the centerlane where it was shallower, wondering what I’d do next. I let my partner know I was okay. My cell phone was charged so that was no problem.

Finally, I saw a fire truck pull up, close by the car, and a fireman reached down. He told me to take off my shoes so the water wouldn’t catch them and suck me into the current. I grabbed my keys and was helped up into the truck, where they took me to higher ground by a bank, not far away. I thanked them sincerely, still wondering what was going to happen next.

I stepped inside the bank and asked to use their restroom – the nice teller had been watching the whole thing. I was still wondering if my car would ever start again. I went back outside, checked in with my partner again. Soon a policeman was waving me over. “You with the silver car! I need you over here now!” I came. They told me they were going to push the car to higher ground. One Tucson police officer helped me walk across part of the street, then handed me off to his partner who took me the rest of the way so I could guard my vehicle. I thanked them, too.

I called my partner again, and she helped me get ahold of my neighbor, who came in his truck to try to help me get started. He used to be a tow truck driver. Jumping didn’t help so we went and bought a new battery. $144 later, the starter was making a louder noise but still no start. His friend came and through one thing and another we eventually towed the car home once the water had gone down.

Now I’m trying to figure out if my car will ever run again. I’m a bit numb at the moment, thinking of what I could have done differently, trying to reflect also on what I did right. I’m researching what to do if your car has been in water. One thing that was suggested is to remove the spark plugs and manually turn the engine to force water out of the cylinders. I think I’ll be trying that next. But with the money for the battery gone, it gets a little tougher, even if a small thing like spark plugs needs to be replaced.

So later I’ll try to get the water out of the engine. Then if that doesn’t work I’ll ride with my neighbor’s wife since we work in the same place on a similar schedule. I’ll be grateful for the fact that nobody is hurt and I’m back home, relatively dry, not fighting knee high floodwaters. And I’ll keep working the problem.

By the way, if anyone wants to contribute to the “dry out Rohvannyn’s car fund” they can donate via paypal to roh@rohvannynshaw.com.

I’ve had it up to here with junk!

Healthy Living, Thoughts About Life

Me and Neko — Until recently, this was organized for me.

Several times in my life, I’ve had to cut my belongings down to nearly nothing. Although one might expect that it could turn me into a hoarder, it’s done the exact opposite. Though I like to be prepared for anything, I still also have a deep desire for a clean, well organized space.

But, I have a lot of hobbies and I really am good at acquiring things. So what is a natural pack rat to do?

This subject is fresh in my mind because I’m about to move into a new apartment that’s actually slightly smaller than the one I live in now. I grew up in a heavily cluttered home, and lived that way for a long time. It was partly because I never had enough shelves or cupboards, and partly because I’d use things and not put them back.

When I moved to my last apartment, I vowed not to do it again – and though I’ve done better, and my life still isn’t as cluttered, little bits of junk keep creeping in. I think the main problem is just not having the right kinds of storage space. So now I’ll start out with more shelves, bins to store things in, and also I’ll be doing some serious tossing of junk.

I want everything I own to have a home! I’m tired of stacking things. Someday I’d love to have some flat storage racks for my various papers and boards. I’ll start with a CD tower for my media. I want doors to close over my junk so I don’t have to look at it, too.

It’s been shown that a clean, uncluttered environment leads to mental peace and harmony. I can’t wait to try that out.

A Tale of Two Bumpers

Jokes and Humor, Thoughts About Life

Once upon a time, I was driving home in my beloved Hyundai Elantra. I was sitting quietly in the turn lane, waiting for the green arrow, after dark.

WHAM!

I looked around, saw a large silver pickup behind me. I drove to the nearest parking lot, stopped, got out. The driver was a 16 year old girl in her dad’s pickup. “My foot slipped off the brake.” (Wouldn’t have happened if you were driving a standard, you ninny, because we were on flat ground!)

Fine. We exchanged insurance information. In the light of day I noticed a biiiig dent in the back bumper that I hadn’t seen at the parking lot. So I called their insurance for a claim. It was Geico. I have Progressive.

Geico says “fine, we’ll fix it or we’ll pay for it.” It sounded good. Now, a dent in a modern bumper involves replacing the shell that is over the real bumper. It’s about a thousand dollar repair, typically, if you use factory parts. Geico tried to tell me they could take the dent out by restretching the plastic. I talked to my mechanic, he said no, you need to replace the shell, because that area is going to be weak and you can’t just fix a dent in plastic. Not one like that, anyway.

More go-arounds between Geico and Progressive, and Progressive didn’t do squat to help me. I was being about $480 to pay for the repair. In the mean time, I was having to drive this modern Chevy rental while my car was in the shop, waiting to be fixed.

The Chevy was a whole other issue. The modern love of side impact air bags meant it had high doors, the car had a high stance, and the side posts were so thick it affected visibility. It had a million distractions and creature comforts inside but it drove and felt like a bubble.

The fight with Geico continued. They kept wanting to only cover substandard repairs. Eventually the claims adjuster became such a problem that my mechanic had to throw him off his lot – and Geico magnanimously offered a whole $90 extra… so I decided to give up the effort, turn the renal back in, and get my car back. I wanted to drive a real car again.

Now, I returned my carefully watched, pristine Chevy back to Enterprise. They did an inspection and found an almost invisible bit of spidering in the paint. The said I was liable for it – even though I hadn’t run into anything and had parked in protected areas. The said “oh, for damage like that, you have to replace the whole bumper cover, it’s a $1200 repair!”

Luckily, my partner kept at them till they agreed to look back at the last three renters of that car to see if any of them had reported damage. Eventually I got a letter back saying I was cleared of all liability.

I don’t want to deal with Geico again, they acted like crooks. Enterprise didn’t make me happy either. And I never, ever want to drive a modern Chevy again!

Give me my high performance, road hugging, good visibility, standard transmission, low distraction, 2006 Hyundai Elantra any day, dents or no. She’s tried and tested.

Things I wish I could tell my younger self

Personal Growth, Thoughts About Life

I look back on my life so far and there are some things I’d love to have done differently. I know this is true for everyone, but maybe someone younger than me will read this and benefit.

The first thing I’d tell my younger self is,

“Everybody’s human. Everybody is nervous, everybody wants to be liked. Don’t put people on a pedastal. You are as good as anyone else, so take that first step, say hi, reach out. The other person might be as afraid as you are adn want to reach out too.”

I’d also like to say,

“Make sure you spend time learning how to think and learning how to learn. It’s okay to have fun, but try to cultivate interests that might actually be useful. And whatever you do, if you are going to spend time on it, do it well.”

And I’d really love to say,

“Please, please, please, figure out what you want to do for a career, and start preparing for it when you are still in high school. Everyone in college is going to expect you to have basic skills that you should have gotten in high school. But you won’t have them. So if you really want to be a writer, practice all you can. If you really want to be an artist, work hard to be the best you can be. Don’t be afraid of competition. Use it as motivation. Compete against yourself. And make sure you talk to different people in your fields so you find out what it’s really like when you get there. Don’t waste your time in college finding who you are. As time goes by, you will have less time, not more, to do that.”

And finally, I would tell my younger self

“Even if it’s hard, learn how to think. Start observing people. Analyze everything you see. Learn from everyone you meet. Get used to being an eternal student and it will serve you well. Think about how people say things as much as you think about what they say, watch how you do things as much as you watch what you do. Think, think, think. Take control over yourself and give up the idea of controlling others. Don’t take anything anyone says at face value. Be grateful for everything you learn.”

I wonder how my life would be different if I had been told those things in such a way that I would have heeded them?

What shall I pass to the future?

Thoughts About Life

I wrote this a couple years ago but it’s still very true.

My grandmother is ninety-three, and I am thirty-five, and my mother’s age is one I’ll not reveal, or she may thump me. As I get nearer to my thirty-sixth year I start to wonder what virtues, and habits, and passions will I pass down to future generations? Will I be yet another forgotten worker bee, part of the landscape? Or if I am remembered at all, will there be some bright spark that others might find good to see?

My grandmother still writes in a fine classical Palmer hand, in a style that predates the current D’Nealian version and was popularized in the late 1900s. Until a week ago, I wrote in a not so fine and brutally pragmatic print hand. It was readable, but never had a pretense of elegance. Is this what I want to have when I am ninety-three? Or sixty, even? Will I rather have eighty or ninety years of practice writing in something that is not fair to look on, or fifty five years of practice in lovely penmanship? I know the choice I am making now.

The same goes for books. Will I tell future generations of the works of Shelley, and Tennyson, and Kipling, and Lafcadio Hearn, and Robert Heinlein, and Larry Niven, and Jerry Pournelle, and Shakespeare, and Samuel Clemens, and Miyamoto Musashi? Or will the only books I know be Harry Potter, Star Trek or Star Wars novels, and modern fantasy? The website Project Gutenberg is a priceless portal to many immortal works from all around the world. It’s also free, which is rather important as well.

Will I start a Work of Noble Note? Will the others, in my generation, do the same? What will their choices be?

And what of you? I’ve covered two things I’d like to take to the future. What things from the past would you like to pass forward? What’s worthwhile to you? I’d love to hear it.

Apparently, I’m a daredevil.

Jokes and Humor, Thoughts About Life

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I didn’t know this before, but apparently I’m incredibly brave! I throw myself in the face of danger all the time. Yes, it’s true. I knowingly, and willingly, eat uncooked sprouts!

I’ll give you a minute for your heartrate to drop. I don’t want to cause an MI, here. But there’s more. I also… eat eggs with runny yolks. And I drive a car without side impact airbags so it’s not built a mile off the ground and still has decent visibility.

Not only that… but for my next death-defying act, I do all my own braking and shifting. Every last bit! By all the propaganda, I should be dead by now.

I think I’m going to need to be fitted for a spandex outfit. What color do you think my cape should be?