The amazing pineapple cure!

There is an amazing new cure that has been discovered, which will bless all humanity.  The results speak for themselves.  In the words of Jane Shirtwhistle of Toledo, Ohio:

“I used to weigh 462 pounds on a 4’11” frame.  This was caused by eating fast food all the time and never using anything but the drive through.  I had acne everywhere, I didn’t want to leave the house.  I was tired all the time.  I couldn’t digest my food properly either and I was bloated for most of the day.  My life was miserable!  I tried doctor after doctor, medication after medication.  By the end of 2017 I was taking 23 pills a day with no relief.  My dogs were bored because I wouldn’t walk with them.   I wasn’t sure where to turn.

“Finally my best friend, who is a raw foods advocate and has an organic pineapple farm, convinced me to try the pineapple cure.  She sold me a juicer and showed me how to shave the rind and crown leaves into strands fine enough to consume.  It was pretty fibrous but I persevered, drinking lots of filtered water along with it.

“At first it was really hard, eating a whole, organic pineapple a day, and the strings kept getting caught in my teeth.  I wanted my burgers and pizza and french fries and everything else I was  used to.  But in less than a day, nearly all cravings stopped.  I added lemon to my water and the rest of them stopped.  I started sleeping through the night and my acne was gone within a week.

“After the first week of eating one whole pineapple and a gallon of a day, I noticed that my hair stopped falling out and my blemishes were going away.  My body felt nourished.  I started having energy.  My friend guided me to adding salads for my evening meal but she reminded me not to add anything else.  She explained that I started moving around more.

“It’s been six months since the pineapple cure.  I’ve lost over a hundred pounds and am still losing.  I’m able to just eat half an organic pineapple a day, along with a gallon of water and triple washed, organic vegetables and fruits that I grow in my garden.  I’ve learned that the skin of the pineapple and the leaves help replenish the nutrients that we no longer get with our nutrient poor, Westernized diet.  I am off all my medications and I’m once again enjoying walks with my dogs.  I feel energized, revitalized and like I am in control of my life again.  Thank you, pineapple cure!”

You, too, can be like Jane.  If you want to eat a whole organic pineapple a day, you can, and it will have incredible benefits.  But you no longer have to.  For just a few dollars a day, you can use our freeze dried and purified pineapple powder, certified to contain all parts of the plant for a nourishing, whole health solution.  It comes in easy to use packets that are convenient for work, home, and travel.  You will enjoy lymphatic purification, whole body fat reduction, a cessation to cravings, stronger, healthier skin and hair, and a revitalized outlook on life.  It is the easiest, safest, most convenient way to gain control over your health and your life.  Some of our successful patients have also reported that mood disorders have disappeared, and they no longer need psychiatric medications.  We offer a money back guarantee, but you won’t regret trying our pineapple cure!

Of course, this is not something I’m truly suggesting.  It’s an example of what happens when quack cures are supported by testimonial based “evidence.”  I wrote this up out of whole cloth to demonstrate the key warning signs to look out for when trying to avoid quackery.  It’s getting harder to avoid, too, because quacks are getting better and better at slinging believable sounding medical terminology.

Here are some things to look out for when watching out for quackery:

Authors who only have degrees outside the medical profession.  For example, one totally quacktastic book I just read was written by someone who started out as a chemist and then had “thirty years in private practice” with no mention of medical credentials.  Chemistry is important to biology, of course, but you also need a good knowledge of physiology and a host of other subjects.

Textwalls containing lots of big words that don’t necessarily go together.  Some quacks will try to dazzle you with twenty dollar words that they hope you won’t analyze.

Testimonials.  If there’s no mention of peer reviewed studies, watch out.  Testimonials are often just made up by an imaginative writer but they can be strangely convincing.

Mention of parasites.  For the sake of good taste, I didn’t include passing a giant worm as part of what my “patient” went through, but that often comes up.  When in doubt, gross ’em out!  It deactivates the logic centers in your brain.

An overly restrictive plan.  Most of the time when someone says “you can lose x amount of weight by only drinking some exotic shake, eating some exotic fruit, etc, you can look out for the sound of ducks.

Hearkening to the “golden age.”  The fallacy of the golden age is commonly used.  Though there is a grain of truth to it, there’s usually a lot of exaggeration meant to scare you into opening your wallet.  Basically, it boils down to “we eat and drink nothing but poisons now, it’s a wonder we’re not all dead, when just a hundred years ago the soil was clean and the air was clean and everybody was happy and the kids were all well behaved and nobody was fat and there was a rainbow every day.”

The “Cure” being an exclusive line of products.  Obviously, this is a clear sign that someone’s main interest is selling you something.

Medically significant conditions cured by insignificant actions.  Again, there is sometimes a grain of truth to this, but in general you aren’t going to cure a significant disease just by eating a certain food or taking a certain supplement.  Especially if that supplement only provides testimonials as proof.

Any mention of homeopathy.  Again, for the sake of good taste, I didn’t put that in the testimonial, but take a really hard look at anyone who advocates homeopathic remedies.  You can see why by looking at the history of the “remedy,” and The Economist featured a good article about it here. 

Remember – don’t believe me just because I said it, think about what I said and the examples I gave and see if it make sense to you.  We all owe it to ourselves to evaluate what we do with our own health, get a good understanding of what’s involved, and question things if they don’t make sense.

Your Defense against Snake Oil

When you are looking for alternative therapies and treatments, it can be a real pain to tell the scammers from the real deal.  So many people make a living by preying on the unwary. It’s tough to avoid being fooled sometimes, so I wanted to offer a few basic guidelines to help you separate the wheat from the chaff. \
Rule number one: Distrust intangible products.

Rule number two: Distrust all quick cures.

Rule number three: Don’t trust testimonials.

Why do I say not to trust testimonials? Because they create false confidence. It’s hard not to be swayed by reading letter after glowing letter about how that miracle cleanse cure fixed their horrible problems with gas, and their pictures of the parasites they passed. Keep in mind that the letters are faked and those nasty pictures are just mud dipped strings dropped in a toilet. People lie. They lie a lot more when there’s money involved.

In general, be cautious with people treating conditions like cancer, impotence, skin problems, and other things that are difficult or expensive to treat. They prey on people’s fear and they offer false hope in exchange for low, low payments of $49.99 or whatever the case may be. Ultimately, it would be smarter to save that money and spend it on whole foods and healthy living.

As I said in my rules, run away, far away, from anything promising a quick cure. Neither cures nor getting rich happen quickly. Just like success, usually a cure requires work and dedication. Of course, it depends on the condition. You will see this a LOT in the field of weight loss. People will promise anything because they are counting on people being so dazzled with the promise of losing ten pounds a week that they won’t notice what’s going out of their wallets..

If you don’t already believe in them, run away from anything involving crystals, magnets, pyramids, positive vibrations, or light. Run away from anything related to homeopathy.  If you believe in these therapies, that’s your decision – but for pity’s sake, don’t pay much for it! That’s what I meant by people selling intangibles. Homeopathy counts as an intangible because it’s all just distilled water. Look it up, it’s true.

On the other hand, not all natural cures are bunk. Naturapaths, for example, can do amazing things with the right treatments, which can include supplements of various kinds. They have a lot of medical knowledge and use it well.

Speaking of supplements, some of them can really be great. Some of the old reliables are kelp, omega-3 fatty acids, Vitamin C, E and A, iron, and good foods like cranberry,  tree nuts and fish. The list is long and doesn’t need to be repeated here.  In general, whole food is better than pills, but liquid vitamins are best if you have to take them. Capsules are better than tablets if you have to absorb something.  Don’t forget that some vitamins and minerals require fat to be absorbed properly.  The best vitamins, minerals, and other supplements have good amounts of research behind them.

For example, you can actually find good evidence that turmeric is an anti-inflammatory, garlic helps with viruses, and peppermint helps with asthma and stomach problems. There’s lots of research on ginger, ginkgo, ginseng – the list goes on.

The more educated you are, and the more you understand the psychology of selling, the better you will do in helping yourself as well as avoiding scams.