new year – Mindflight

Drunks, Extremists, and the New Year

The New Year is a great chance to make a fresh start. We can take stock of what happened, look honestly at our mistakes, and think of ways to do better this time around. It is definitely possible to change, despite what many people secretly believe, and one of the ways is to improve the way we have our conversations.

I’ve seen a huge tendency to use black or white thinking. I’ve seen it in friends, the media, extremist groups of all kinds, my neighbors, and myself. It’s poisonous and it’s how wars get started. Here’s a little example of what I’m talking about.

Last night, my neighbor was playing his music loudly all day, and my least favorite kind. It was the kind that brings back bad memories and I just don’t want to hear. Yet, it was still at a volume that we could (kind of) ignore it, and it was New Year’s Eve after all, so we didn’t bother him about it. We thought about blasting some Dio in retaliation but in the end didn’t even do that.

Then he decided to turn it up twice as loud on a song we couldn’t stand, which wasn’t helping our already growing headaches. It was so loud that it was loud inside our house with the door closed.

Did we yell at him? No.

My dear spouse stepped outside and asked him if he could please turn it down a LITTLE. She was quite polite in both tone and wording.

He said “Happy fuckin’ New Year” in a nasty tone of voice, called her an asswipe, then turned it OFF.

First, you don’t call my wife an asswipe. I’m proud of myself that I didn’t go out there and make things a lot worse with what I wanted to say and do.

She tried to make peace by saying “hey, you don’t have to be like that, I just asked you to turn it down a little.” He told her angrily to go into the house and then griped loudly to his friends for the next half hour. And blamed us for ruining all his fun.

This was from a guy who called himself a friend.

Now, his problem was the bottle. And he’ll probably come over and apologize at some point, after enough reminding from his family. However, the problem will happen again next time he drinks, and once again we’ll be the BAD people who ruin all his fun, and it’s for one reason.

An underlying attitude of extremism. Black and white thinking.

If it’s not on loud, it’s off. If I can’t have it all, I’ll have none. If you’re not 100 percent into everything I am, you’re my enemy.

Take a look around and you’ll see this everywhere. Wouldn’t it be better if we all took a more middle of the road approach?

Here are some exercises I’ll be trying to rid myself of this poisonous habit, and perhaps you’ll be interested to check them out too. I’ve found them helpful whenever I’ve used them.

Remember that the person is not their behavior. In the previous example, my neighbor acted like a complete boor. However, despite my own impulses, I’m trying not to hate him, but rather only be disappointed in his behavior. They are, after all two separate things. He’s not a bad person, he’s a person who has some really unfortunate habits.

Take responsibility for your own actions. You can’t control anyone else, so there’s no point in being angry about that, so work on yourself and let them take care of themselves.

Look for middle of the road solutions. Even if no one else will, keep trying. Eventually others will join you.

Take deep breaths and maintain perspective. Maybe that world leader did something you didn’t like. But there are other good things they did.

Give up hate. Hate is bad for everybody. It’s like taking poison. And holding on to resentment is like taking poison in an attempt to hurt somebody else.

Always seek the middle road. Things aren’t as extreme as they appear, the world is actually filled with gray areas. Perspective helps you see that.

Avoid snap decisions or habitual actions. This can be hard, but when you have an impulse to do something, stop, take one of those useful deep breaths and think – does this meet my goals? Is it fair? Is it right? Is there a better way?

Don’t act based on emotion. Our emotions rarely align with what we really want to do.

Remember to listen. Let the other person talk and really hear what they are saying. We couldn’t let our neighbor know that our request was reasonable because he had already decided what we were going to say, and was reacting to that instead of what we were really saying.

Keep your words soft and sweet in case you have to eat them. After all, there might have been a misunderstanding. You can always get nasty later if you have to. But you can’t take back harsh words.

Keep on thinking. Don’t let yourself act based on habit.

If you fail, try again right away. It’ll get better.

Here’s to a bright New Year!

via Daily Prompt: Conversation

Finally time for a new start

Healthy Living

It’s time for a new year and for a new start. Though I haven’t been the biggest New Year Resolution type, some things have lined up in such a way that I might as well take advantage of all that New Year energy and ride it for a bit. With much more functional teeth and a head cleared of decay, I’m actually feeling better. I’ve learned a lot of tips about weight loss and health, so time to be better about taking my own advice.

So, since this blog is about helping others to live the best creative life they can, I’ll offer some of the ideas I intend to use in the New Year. I’ll personally be doing most of these, however it’s certainly possible, and often better, to just pick one or two things to change, wait for it to become a habit and part of your new normal life, then pick one or two other things to change.

Ideas for a healthier life

A new haircut or trim – it helps you feel better and look better right away.

Stay Positive – it may not be easy to be positive all the time, but when you notice yourself straying, just refocus. It does get easier, like with every habit.

Focus on Courtesy – this is a rude world, especially if you are living in the US and certain other countries. I have a definite goal of being more polite to everyone.

Take vitamins – for anything you can’t get enough of through your diet. In particular I need B vitamins and calcium.

Eat yogurt – and other probiotic foods like kefir, kombucha, or non pasteurized sauerkraut. Or probiotic supplements.

More protein – whether plant based or animal based, protein helps with growth of lean muscle and keeps you full longer.

Nuts, seeds, berries – all are good for brain health, good nutrients in general, and make healthy snacks.

Upgrade snacktime – my local asian grocery has some great things to replace my sugary, fatty snacks with. They have everything from seaweed crisps to kale chips to rice crackers. Let’s not forget seasoned carrot slices, celery chunks, or cucumber rounds.

Make it easy for yourself – make snacks ahead, pack them so they are easy to grab and go.

Move when you can – take stairs, walk across parking lot, do a few wall pushups here and there, a few squats etc. It all adds up. I’ll be doing this more.

Apple cider vinegar – check out my article on the drink called Switchel.

Chocolate – I’m going to make eating a small amount of dark chocolate a priority.

Cut down on sugar – I really have a love affair with sugar but it has so many bad properties, so I’m going to refocus on limiting it.

Chew gum – if you have bad teeth like I do, kinds with xylitol and without aspartame are generally best. It’s good to keep your mouth busy, keep your teeth clean, and burns a few calories.

Drink water – we’ve all heard it but I’ll keep on doing it. I’m actually pretty good about drinking water, but I can always improve.

Listen to music – the right kind helps your attitude, keeps you on the bright side, and motivates you. Personally, I love heavy metal because it’s often very motivating.

Every week at least, do something creative. Depending on your interests, that may be anything from painting to writing in a journal to drawing to practicing music to coloring in a mandala. If you keep up with the things that feed your mind and creativity, you will feed your happiness. And you’ll have something to show for it. Make sure it’s non electronic!

If you want even more hints and tips, check these out:

Recipe

Amazing, heart healthy, cold soak oatmeal

It’s astoundingly simple and yet very tasty. Simply soak old fashioned rolled outs overnight in your choice of liquid. You can use water, like I do, or fruit juice, milk, soy milk, almond milk, cashew milk, coconut water, really anything wet. I’ve even done it with green tea. However, it gets better than that. Along with your oatmeal you can put other things – like walnut pieces, chia seeds, pepitas, cashews, dried fruit, spices, really anything you can think of that would go with oatmeal.

Once done, you can warm the oatmeal or eat it cold – the soaking keeps some of the oat texture without turning it into mush. I eat mine without sweetener, you may want to try this too before adding something. I’ve you’ve added dried fruit or a spice like cinnamon, you may not even want it.

Enjoy your New Year, and here’s to your health!

via Daily Prompt: Finally

Welcome to 2017!

Personal Growth

Well, we’ve made it. Most of us were probably at least thinking about our New Year Resolutions. At the end of the second week, it may be at that point where we’re flagging, starting to forget about them, and getting wrapped up in everything else we have to do. So, here’s a little help for anyone who might want to inspiration for goal setting or need a kick in the pants about just how to drop those holiday pounds. I hope you enjoy them and I wish everyone a bright New Year.

Seven Strategies for Getting Things Done

How to Win at Losing Weight

Success – Step By Step

3 Root Causes Behind Food Cravings and How to Beat Them

For everyone who had writing as part of their resolution, I have a whole new page for you on the ins and outs of self publishing!

Self Publishing

Undreamed of possibilities

Personal Growth

In this post, I wrote about things I thought were true when I was five. I was reflecting today on just how different my life is from what I expected. My formative years were spent mostly before the internet was common, and though I grew up around my dad’s clunky yet trusty 286, I never dreamed computers would be such an essential part of my life. I’m sure everyone reading this can resonate on some level, so please feel free to provide your own examples in the comments.

When I was a kid, I never dreamed I’d…

…work with computers constantly, both at work and at home, have a monitor that’s about an inch thick, and consider my internet to be essential while cable TV is not.

…be able to pay somebody to shoot me or my loved ones in the face with a laser, for any medical purpose.

…actually have a published novel in any form, since self publishing in my youth meant you had access to a good copy machine and made ‘zines.

…have a blog, once again, see the lack of internet and lateral communication.

…become good enough at pen and ink drawing to do decent illustrations. Pen and ink was a loved but unheard of dream at the time.

…carry a tiny portable telephone that connects me to anyone anywhere in the country without long distance fees. I grew up in the bad old days of corded phones, peak calling times and long distance.

…learn to blue and parkerize metal, learn to use a mill or a lathe or a grinder, become comfortable with power tools, and learn the pure love of a good pressurized air system. I grew up being nervous even around hand tools.

When I look at the things I can do, that I never dreamed I would be able to, and would have thoroughly envied anyone I knew who could, the future doesn’t seem too dim. What possibilities are still in store for all of us that we never imagined would be possible?

I’m hopeful in spite of everything…

Thoughts About Life

This year some bad things have happened, quite a few of them, really. We’ve lost beloved performers, we’ve heard some truly odious lies told by politicians, and the national media has done its usual job to try and twist our perceptions outside the realm of reality.

Some good things have happened as well. For me, I have had some personal successes, and kept chipping away at a couple personal challenges that have galled me for years. We as internet users continue to reap the benefits of parallel communication so we can get an idea of what’s really going on, no matter what the media might say. I have improved my art and this blog and I’ve published two books and two short stories this year. I’ve also dipped my toes back into traditional media and had one of my drawings published in a magazine, so that’s a great thing to remember for me.

It’s been a mixed bag but there’s hope. Some friends of mine have revealed to me that they are terrified of what’s going to happen because Hillary didn’t win – to me there’s a glimmer of hope because she didn’t. I didn’t like her opponent that much, but when you get past the media lies he’s not quite the ogre everyone seems to think he is. So I have a little room for hope in politics. At least our current Anointed One won’t have the chance to catapult the US into World War 3 and make energy so expensive no one can afford it.

I take my hope in small doses. For another example, right now I make $2.79 above minimum wage. Come the new year, I’ll be making $0.79 above the minimum wage, and I’ll have to deal with higher prices and such as businesses find ways to pay their employees up to that rate. I work at the lowest paid call center in the city. But, there’s hope! Because I moved to a place that’s cheaper to live in, has lower utility bills, and has the most awesome landlord I’ve ever even heard of. I feel bad for all the families who will have to tighten their belts even more, but at least I, personally, will have hope, even as I watch my dollar grow weaker.

My books are starting to make a little money, so there’s a glimmer of hope there too. I’ll keep on writing, and drawing, taking pictures and doing what I do, and who knows? Maybe my audience will find me. Hope springs eternal. The important thing is, if you want to have hope, never give up, no matter what you do. If you stop, you can always start again.

As Winston Churchill said,

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.”

via Daily Prompt: Hopeful

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/hopeful/