Art of Womanhood – Page 3

How customer service taught me to “be a lady.”

When I was little, sometimes I’d hear “that’s not ladylike,” or “be a lady.” I usually got a negative impression of that. I didn’t watch TV as a child, so I thought all “ladies” were like the women at church – rather timid, rather limited, and rarely doing anything interesting. I surely didn’t want to be that! It wasn’t till later that I discovered women really could do interesting things, as I learned about Amelia Earhart and Sally Ride and Joan of Arc, and eagerly read stories about Athena and Artemis. Still, these women weren’t portrayed as “ladylike” and so I still thought being a lady was for the birds.

In a way, I still do – but I’m changing.

Enter the wonderful world of customer service. I went from a completely clueless tech support rep who could barely clear cache and cookies and was awash in a sea of things I couldn’t control, to a competent CSR, and eventually a knowledge expert who was training other people. During that time I learned a lot about being a lady.

I learned that it was just as okay to let the door be held for me as it was to hold the door for others. I learned to accept help with nearly as much grace as I gave it. This kind of work drilled me to always, always, always say please and thank you. I learned how to be calm and polite, even friendly, no matter how loudly the other was yelling, and how much power that gave me. A true lady’s grace under pressure lets her overcome as many challenges as a true gentleman’s strength.

A wiser, older coworker of mine once said, “a lady can do absolutely anything she wants to. But that doesn’t mean she has to.”

Once rather uncomfortable with the courtesy that is traditionally given women, I learned that it was important to accept that courtesy – how else can we give men practice at being gentlemen? Being a lady doesn’t mean you are not allowed to do certain things, but it is a role that ultimately makes the world a gentler place to live in. I could get out of my airplane (I did eventually learn to fly) and walk to a door, smile nicely at the man who held it and thank him, then confidently go in to the hangar and ask the mechanics for a quart of oil and a red rag. There’s nothing unladylike about that!

I realized recently that my main problem with “being a lady” was connotations related to the word itself. Ladyship could be a position of grace and strength, much like being a gentlemen. Whether you are a lady or gentleman, it means you are strong, mentally and hopefully physically, can stay cool under pressure, are resourceful, keep yourself neat and clean, and know how to talk to people graciously. It means you have respect for other people and yourself. It has no bearing on what you do for a living. Being a gentleman or a lady is a state of mind.

We live in an amazing time. Women and men have more freedom than ever. At the same time, we can pass along old fashioned customs of politeness, not because they are a duty, but because they are a joy.

Amelia: not just another Airhead!

Art of Womanhood

It’s become fashionable in some circles to remember Amelia Earhart as a somewhat flaky, irresponsible aviatrix who is mostly famous because she got lost. She is often portrayed in movies and books as somewhat irresponsible, even a dilettante.

This is far from the truth. Amelia Earhart was a tireless champion of women’s rights. She wasn’t just about flying, either. She constantly tried to help young women enter fields of math, science, engineering, and other traditionally male dominated roles. She studied hard in school, tried to learn as much science as she could, and even picked a high school based on the science programs available there. She earned most of the money for her flying career and took many jobs, sometimes two or three at a time, to pay for it.

She worked as a nurse’s aide during the aftermath of world war I, she worked for the phone company at one point, she drove a gravel truck, she was an author, she worked as a social worker in a settlement house as well as many other jobs. At one point she drove across the country in a two seat sports car at a time before the interstate system was even in place. She learned to fly multiengine aircraft, set numerous records, and flew a type of aircraft called an autogyro across the country as well.

Once, she was in position to win an air race but another pilot had cracked up their airplane. Instead of continuing on to win, she saved the other pilot’s live and then got back in the air to win second place. She was more interested in doing the right thing than winning the prize money.

She got together with Charles Lindbergh, and started America’s first airline, TAT. It went through many evolutions and name changes and eventually became Delta Airlines.

Yes, Amelia took advantage of publicity. She used it as a tool to try to advance the cause of women. She did some stunt flying for fun, and some to prove that women could. She supported other female pilots and helped create an organization for them, called the 99s. She encouraged people to follow their dreams and not be limited by their sex or social position.

She wasn’t the best pilot, nor did she claim to be. She loved what she did and she wanted other people to love what they did, too. The more I have learned about her, the more inspired I have become. She didn’t hold herself above people or claim to be the greatest, instead she tried to inspire people so that they could join her in the sky.

The Art of Womanhood

Art of Womanhood

This is a blog I would love to write or contribute to.

Currently, there is a truly amazing website called the Art of Manliness. I love it because you can find information on many different topics that are incredibly valuable in the world today and yet are neglected or nearly forgotten. You can find everything from how to do an old school wet shave with a straight razor, to basic car repair, understanding tools and materials, how to light a fire without matches, how to dress sharply, how to write a letter, and all kinds of old things you wished you’d learned from your grandpa. AOM is a window to a more civilized world full of manly men who know how to be strong, capable, and independent, but also kind and loving.

I want to do that for women.

I want to help create a repository of information that modern women can use. Old skills, new skills, tool use, self defense, health, beauty, grace, independence, and family skills. I know all of these things are available elsewhere – and I’d probably start by linking to existing content – but I want to make a place for people who want to know about all of this and at the same time carry forward an aura of grace and dignity and strength into the new era.

How about an article on being a gracious hostess? Or how to really carry on a conversation? How to pick out stationary and when to use it? Or how to talk to a mechanic without looking like a fool? I basically want to collect these things together in a package that’s classy, well organized, and appealing to women. It could be a sister site to Art of Manliness. Maybe we could even ally together.

There are so many skills and arts that are being lost even as we speak. I want to preserve them! What if a young woman wants to learn to roast a turkey, say, but her mom isn’t there to give her all the tips and tricks? What if a young woman needs relationship advice but doesn’t have someone she trusts to talk to? Or doesn’t know how to sew on a button? Or needs to jump start her car?

“Art of Womanhood” would solve all that!

You still can…

Art of Womanhood

I spoke to a very charming and gracious woman who, over the course of our call, revealed that she had been playing piano and organ for many years. This was ever since she played for her first wedding, 64 years ago.

While I completed her order, we talked about music… I confided that I’d always wanted to learn an instrument and she said “you sound young, you always can.” I suppose I am. At 35 I don’t feel young anymore. But she ought to know… we spoke of bagpipes and their beauty, and how we’d both wanted to learn them at one point. As I closed the call I thought about what she said. The book isn’t closed.

You are still young.

You still can.

What skill have you always wanted to learn?

A Beautiful Love Story

Art of Womanhood

Once, long ago, there was a beautiful young woman in love with a handsome young man. They dated throughout high school but eventually parted when they went off to college. The young woman met and married another young man, and they had a long happy marriage of forty years or more.

Sadly, after this long partnership, the woman, now growing old, was widowed. Her husband gone, she was alone.
Many would expect a sad end to her story.

But… her love story wasn’t over. She met another man, grown wise and mature, and fell in love. Over conversations she learned he was her beau of old, her first love. They discovered they still had feelings for each other and had even lived in the same town all these years…. and then, after nearly half a century, they finally married. They are married still, in love, and happy with each other in the autumn of their lives.

It’s a true story… spun out over a late night call with a charming older woman, one of those I give a little extra time to, when the monitors aren’t listening and the hours grow long. Inside each of us is that young person in love. I wish them well.

What is your Purpose?

Art of Womanhood, Personal Growth

A good friend told me once that if you know your purpose in life, if you know why you are here, then you will have an easier time staying healthy. You will, in effect, have a greater will to live because you have something to live for.

Some people live for their craft, others live for their children, others for their pets, others for their family. I am still trying to decide why I am here. In part it is to help others, and in part it is to do art – but what kind of art? Sometimes I seem to lack that fire that gives me passion. I think that is from lacking purpose.

I’ve had trouble with this for a long time. I just have such a hard time choosing! It helped to think about the things I did first. And those things were art, and reading, and wanting to help other people. If those were my instincts at two and three years of age, perhaps they are important and central?

When I created a list of core values, that helped. Even just acknowledging why I am here in this life helps me improve, as well as embracing it fully. My friend said that he was 80% certain he was here to heal people, and so he decided to make that 100%. I liked that. It showed that he ws choosing to commit to something. And that is a good lesson for me. I can choose to commit to a purpose, even though I’m not 100% sure.

It occurs to me that this will also help you be happy, as well as healthy. Having a purpose gives a person not only something to live for but a reason to feel satisfaction in life. Making a list of those qualities you value most in yourself and others will help cement this. Ask yourself “if I could do anything, what would I do?” Then ask, “What are the important elements in that?”

So there. I’ll turn 80% to 100% too. My purpose in life is to make art and also help people.

“F” for Effort

Art of Womanhood, Personal Growth

A friend of mine has a daughter. He told me how she just won a foot race at school. She got a trophy for her win. There was a problem though. “It doesn’t mean anything that I got a trophy,” she said. “Everyone else got one too, even the ones who walked for half the race.”

I know why we do this to these kids – it’s out of the desire not to leave anyone out. But it also takes away the desire to succeed! If everyone gets the same reward, what’s the point in trying? We don’t want the kids who lost to feel bad. Isn’t a little bit of that good for them, though? Feeling bad when they don’t win will help them try harder next time. We don’t have to rub it in, we can be encouraging, but giving them a reward for losing isn’t going to make them want to try any harder.

If we remove all competition, all we are doing is taking away the joy of those who tried hard and won. We aren’t making the losers feel any better. They still know they lost, only now they feel pitied and talked down to. Ultimately, not only does this backward thinking kill the drive to succeed, but it drives everyone down, successful people and failures alike. Lack of competitiveness has hampered me throughout my life, made me less able to succeed. Now that we’ve looked at what the real result of our actions is, why would we want to do this to our future generations?

Are compliments always lies?

Art of Womanhood, Personal Growth

I sometimes wonder what is going through people’s heads. I see one person give a compliment, then the person being compliment thanks them, then the person who gave the compliment says something like “I was just telling the truth.”

Think about that. Could this point to a belief that a compliment is empty flattery? Put more bluntly, do many of us believe that compliments or positive statements are lies? Perhaps it is an attempt at humility. Isn’t it an insult to the person who is recognizing something positive?

Next time I get a compliment, I think I’ll try something different. “Thank you.”

A Life of Consequence

Art of Womanhood, Personal Growth, Thoughts About Life

What mark do you want to make on the world? What ripple will you leave in your passing? It’s so easy to get caught up in the serious business of survival, that the years slip by and you wake up and realize that you really made no substantive difference to anyone.

Don’t put off your dreams. Do a little each day, or a little each week, that excites your passions. Whether it’s a hobby, a cause, a course of study you’d always wanted to learn about, helping a friend, watching a plant grow, or finishing a really good book. If possible, touch others in the meantime. Or create something. Or clean up a patch of ground. I know we are all busy, so even a few minutes each week can start to make a difference.

Tiny efforts add up to big ones. A smile to a grumpy cashier. A skill taught to a child. A tree planted, growing tall and strong. Build your own legacy with each day you draw breath. Make a difference…

…and then when your life’s day is done, you can say it has not been wasted.

Choose to Succeed

Art of Womanhood, Personal Growth, Thoughts About Life

Something my boss’s boss said the other day made me pause. “You’ll need to know this if you decide to go for a team lead position.”

Wait… what? How’s that again? If I choose? But… I thought I would be chosen if I were worthy?

No. If I choose. Sure, I have to have the aptitude, but skills can be built. Whether I rise in the company or not is primarily in my hands. So it is with everything. Though many things are chosen by others, ultimately more is in my control than I might realize. It’s up to me.

And it’s up to you.