I get myself into trouble when I personalize. This happens when someone disagrees with me about an idea, and I think it’s about me, not the idea. I start thinking they are attacking me instead of trying to find a solution to something that’s outside both of us.
This has a terrible effect – fights, hurt feelings, raised voices, strained relationships, long periods of moping, and more. This habit has nearly destroyed me at times.
There’s a way out and through, though. A discussion of any tough topic doesn’t have end in hurt feelings, no one needs to feel attacked. The secret is a shift in mindset.
The best way to discuss something is to use arguments, rather than have them. Think of the discussion as two people working together to solve a common problem. There isn’t anything personal about it, nobody’s good or bad, the object is for you to work together to find the right answer.
The next time someone disagrees with me, or says something I find difficult to accept, I’m going to shift my focus from myself to the idea. Thinking logically is the antidote to all the ruin that can happen if I personalize.
One thought on “Depersonalize, and everyone wins the argument”
That is absolutely correct. I have experienced this a few times and I have found it much easier to get over anything when I focus on the idea outside of myself. It is not an easy thing to do, I know. I take things personally because of passion, I say. But, distancing ourselves from the argument, making us observers, helps us a lot. Thanks for the reminder. 🙂